


Trust Fall

by brianaa_c



Category: The 100, The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M, Innocent Fluff, a bit of angst, a new ending to 4x03, a whole lot of vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9808655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianaa_c/pseuds/brianaa_c
Summary: She's scared. And vulnerable and emotional and, clearly, not thinking straight. But he knows her, and he knows that she wouldn't ask unless she really needed comfort. And at this point, Bellamy is willing to give it to her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a different type of ending to the newest episode that aired Wednesday. I hope you all enjoy!

Clarke realized he fell asleep when he stopped responding. They were bouncing names off each other, trying to be as unbiased as possible, putting personal feelings aside for the good of the future. She looks over and sees Bellamy sound asleep, a hand dangling off the couch, his legs bent in order to fit. Calmness washes over her for the first time in what feels like forever, taking a deep breath, bouncing her pen in her fingers. He had some sort of undeniable draw to him that she was getting tired of denying, the worry lines that seemed to be etched into his forehead cease to exist in his sleep. She wonders what he's dreaming about. 

Bellamy's chest rises and falls with every even breath, and she wants nothing more than to just tuck the list away for another day and join him. Wrap her arms around his strong waist and cuddle into his chest, taking in his scent of sweat and wood and gunpowder. She wanted to know the way his hands would feel, flat against her back, holding her to him on the small couch as they pretend, even for a second, that what was going outside wasn't something to worry about.

The smile that was tugging at the corners of her mouth quickly turns into a frown when she looks down again at the list. There were only two spots left, and she knew one of them would go to him.  _"I won't be starving because I won't be inside."_ Tears pull at the backs of her eyes as she writes his name, knowing that she couldn't be with him. But the delinquents trust him, and the adults understand his leadership, and if the three months away from them taught her anything, it's that they'd be just fine without her as long as he's the leader.

She tries her best to keep her cries silent, but when she lets a sob out, she can't stop them. She doesn't dare look over at him in fear of waking him up, so she closes her eyes and rests a hand on her forehead, trying to slow her breathing. 

She hears him; of course, she woke him. She can't even give him a decent minute of sleep. She steals a glance and sees him approach, his eyes trained on the list in front of her. She can't look at him any longer, she knows what he's going to say, and she can't face that just quite yet. He rests a hand on the desk, and she holds her breath.

“If I’m on that list, you’re on the list.” He says it with so much conviction, so sure of himself, that she's not even sure how she's supposed to argue with that.

“Bellamy, I can’t-” She can't finish her sentence. She knows he wants her on that list, but she can't bring herself to write her name. She can't bring herself to be that selfish, even if he may never agree.

"Write it down," he says with authority, but the look on his face is desperate. "Write it down or I will."

Clarke glances down at the paper. She knows what he wants, but she's absolutely repulsed by the idea of putting herself before _any_ of these people. She's shaking her head, and before she can understand what's happening, he's sliding the list towards him and grabbing her pen, writing her name in capital letters, as if to prove some sort of point to her.

With a breath he puts the cap back on the pen, placing it back on the desk. She's staring at her name written in his hand, studying the way he curved his K, taking in the way he slants his L's and F's. "What now?"

“We put it away and hope we never have to use it.” 

When she looks back up at him, she realizes tears are falling once more. “You still have hope?” Her voice is shaky, but she's inwardly praying that he doesn't take notice. She's been so vulnerable with him lately, and she'd hate for him to feel even the least bit responsible for her tears. 

“Are we still breathing?” He tries to give her his signature smirk - the one he uses when he's trying to cheer her up in the grimmest of times. She glances back down to the list, hoping God will forgive her for what she'd just committed. 

She feels his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing, trying to comfort her. Instantly, she places her hand on his, leaning into his touch, nuzzling her cheek into their hands. It was so natural - so second nature - that this is where she felt she belongs. She understands that the only way he'd allow himself to be on that list is if her name was right under his, and if his name wasn't on it, she wouldn't be either. It was a cruel fate; being tied together so deeply to another in a world as dreadful as this. In another life, maybe they could love openly.

Bellamy squeezes her shoulder once more. “Get some sleep.”

He wouldn't let this moment go too far. He knows Clarke like the back of his hand, and if he stays, they might do something rash. Something she may regret come morning. It was best to cut it before it began, tying up any loose ends.

Clarke looks up at him and nods once, her glassy blue eyes breaking his heart. Her hand slips from his and he removes it from her shoulder, giving her one last look before exiting the office, heading down the halls to his room.

She watches him leave. Her heart is aching in her chest, her eyes burning into his back, willing him to turn around. But she knows this may be too much for him, and for once she just wants him to  _rest,_ so she lets him go.

* * *

Clarke walks through the halls of the Ark with purpose, marching to the sleeping quarters, buzzed by the news about Luna. It may not save all of them, but it's a discovery nonetheless, and she can't keep it from Bellamy any longer even if it may be 2 am and he's most likely fast asleep. 

With a deep breath, she knocks on his door lightly. She gets no answer, so she pushes it open with a creak, sticking her head inside. "Bellamy?" she asks softly.

She finds him sitting on the edge of his bed with his back to her, his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. He turns when he hears her come in, and his eyes drop when he sees it's her. 

"You need sleep, Clarke."

"So do you," she tells him, closing the door behind her as she walks inside. Miller's bed on the other side of the small room is empty and made - she supposes he's with Bryan. "But I have news. Luna is somehow immune to radiation. We think it's because of the nightblood." 

Clarke sits down on the other side of his bed, pulling her knees to her chest, making sure the bottoms of her muddy shoes don't touch his bedding. "I don't think it'll help any of us," she continues. "But I do think it's a start." 

She turns her head to look at Bellamy. He's sitting up straight now, his hands clasped in front of him, looking at the wall. He nods at her words, but his eyes are glassy and there are deep rings surrounding them. He's completely exhausted. 

"You need sleep." She throws his words right back at him, and he finally meets her eyes. Clarke knows he'd been crying - Octavia didn't make the list on his decision - and she's at a loss. She doesn't know how to make him feel better because she doesn't even know how to make _herself_ feel better. 

Bellamy is shaking his head before he speaks. "I'm too wired. I got enough sleep when you were writing the list." 

She laughs, not because it's funny, but because it's sad. "You slept not even twenty minutes. That's not enough."

"For me it is," he says with some sort of finality. But he scoots over to the edge of the cot, pulling back the covers, gesturing to Clarke. "But not enough for you."

Her stomach flutters and her heart beats back to life, but she finds herself shaking her head. "Bellamy, I could just-"

" _Clarke,_ " he cuts her off, his eyes desperate as he stares her down. "Let yourself sleep."

She finally agrees, slipping her shoes off before crawling under the stiff sheets. When she's settled, he pulls the bedding up to her chin, his fingers soft as he pushes the hair from her face. It's insanely intimate, but she welcomes it, biting the inside of her mouth to try and stop her cheeks from turning red. She tries to close her eyes but she's only met with visions of death and heartbreak. 

She's unsure of how much time goes by, but when she opens her eyes and looks at Bellamy, he's still in the exact spot he was when she came in, fiddling with his thumbs, staring down at his hands. 

"Ever have nightmares?"

She figures he thought she was sleeping because he jumps at her words. "Yeah," he answers her, his voice quiet as if trying to not wake the night. "Every night."

Clarke puts the blankets to her lips, burrowing deeper under the covers, wishing it wouldn't be inappropriate to ask him to join her. Her thoughts are innocent but she knows her actions are not. They'd take a jump past friendship, and she's not sure either is ready for that. 

"I dream of Wells sometimes," she pipes up, and his eyes flick to hers, pain washing over his face as he waits for her to gather her bearings and continue. She never told anyone this before. "I wonder what he would do in this situation; if he would do anything different."

"He would make the same decision as you," he comforts her immediately, and she must look sad because he reaches out to brush the hair from her face once more. "He'd be proud of you, Clarke. I'm sure of it."

She doesn't know how to answer him, so she nods and the conversation dies. She knows Bellamy is about to tell her once more to go to sleep, so she closes her eyes and turns on her side, her back to him.

She can't do it. She just can't do it. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees Atom, and Wells, and Finn, and Fox, and Lexa, and everyone else she lost along the way. She hears their screams and their cries and pleads and it's so unbearable, she- "Can you lay with me?"

The room is so quite, she's sure he's holding his breath. Clarke feels as if she just crossed a line and no longer had an option to go back, but at this point, she doesn't care. She's scared. And vulnerable and emotional and, clearly, not thinking straight. But he knows her, and he knows that she wouldn't ask unless she really needed comfort. And at this point, Bellamy is willing to give it to her.

"Clarke, we-"

"I'm not asking for anything more," she tells him, interrupting him before he shuts her down. "I promise." 

He's older than her, and less rash, and Bellamy knows how easy it would be to take advantage of this situation. That was the last thing he wanted. But her eyes are pleading with him, and if history taught him anything, it's that he can't resist her pleas. 

On the count of three, he shifts slowly, turning towards her. Clarke holds her breath when he moves up the bed, settling in next to her, above the covers. A strong arm wraps around her waist lightly, keeping a substantial amount of space between their respective bodies. But she's tired of fighting whatever turmoil is churning in her heart, so she scoots back, pressing her back into his chest. Bellamy instantly relaxes, and within five minutes his breathing is even and he's asleep.

His nose is buried in her hair and she feels his slow breathing tickle her neck. His presence alone calms her, and when she repositions herself, his arm tightens around her, unconsciously pulling her closer in his sleep. Clarke finally closes her eyes, willing herself to think of nothing but Bellamy and the way his touches bring her serenity. It's hard to find hope in a time like this, but if Bellamy believed in her, even if only for a moment, she would push forward. People rely on her; her mother, Bellamy, the delinquents... it'll be hard. It  _is_ hard. But as long as Bellamy was here, alive and by her side, she'll always find a way to persevere and continue on.

For the first time since they landed on Earth, both of them slept through the night soundlessly. 


End file.
